Hope.
It’s a simple word. It’s not a simple concept. And it feels out of reach for a lot of people right now. Including me.
Over the past few weeks I’ve found myself experiencing hope and it’s felt odd. Part of me wanted to apologize. Instead, I decided to share and spread the virus of inspiration to help counter the seeming abundance of resignation, disillusion and fear.
Let’s explore and make shift happen.
The Story
Three weeks ago, Jane Fonda accepted a lifetime achievement award and used her time, not to talk about herself, but to inspire the world to a higher place.
Last week, former Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau gave his farewell speech. He also, intentionally, chose to focus on the future – what is possible, instead of patting himself (and his party) on the back for past achievements.
In a sea of negativity, two examples of intentional, inspirational leadership shone in my life. Ironically, neither person actually holds an official leadership role.
Justin Trudeau is no longer the PM of Canada and could have easily said “thank you”, listed his accomplishments and then walked off into his life with his children. He didn’t do that.
Jane Fonda, an eighty-seven year old actress receiving an award for her amazing lifetime of achievements, chose not to talk about her eight decades of amazingness. Instead, she pointed to the future and showed us exactly why she deserved to be on that stage.
If ever there was proof pointing to the fact that leadership is not a role ‘out there in the world’, but an inward way of being, it showed up in my life in these two examples.
And it began building hope in my heart. Hope that I’ve been feeding.
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- I see the chest-pounding-look-at-me people in positions of leadership.
- I see the world obsessed with accolades, proof of accomplishments and people taking credit for other’s work.
- I see the marketing engine roaring away trying to get us to believe that if we just buy one more thing or do the next course we’ll FINALLY be happy.
I also see another door, an alternative story
An Alternate Story
In 2019 I read the New York Times Best Seller “The Book of Delights” by Ross Gay. The author committed to writing an essayette every day for a year about an ordinary delight he noticed that day. First, the book itself is ‘delightful’ and points us to noticing more of the beauty and good that surrounds us in each moment.
Second, in the intro, Mr. Gay noted that the practice of writing the essays created a “delight radar” and found that the more he studied delight, the more delight there was to study. Within the first two months, way more delights than he could include in his book were calling to him: Write about me! Write about me!”
As one of the founders of the Soulful Leader project, I’ve been studying leadership from the inside out, so it makes sense that these two amazing beings showed up on my ‘leadership’ radar.
The unexpected ‘a-ha’ that happened was realizing how much deeper I could take this. I needed to make my choice even clearer and MORE intentional so that soulful leaders and their messages would be clamoring at my door the way delights were for Ross Gay.
This recognition is what has me waking up each morning in a state of hope and excitement.
Neuro-psychologist, Deb Dana, says that our ‘state determines our story’.
This means that when I’m in a state like fight or flight, anger, resignation, fear, etc., the story I tell myself reflects that state: i.e. I’m not ok, you’re not ok, the world is not ok. I then seek confirmation that my story is true, which the world (news, internet, social media) is all too happy to provide. It becomes a self fulfilling cycle where my evidence reinforces my state which finds more evidence, and so on.
What You Seek Is Seeking You
As Ross Gay found with the delights – what you seek then seeks you.
The great news is that we can use this pattern to create an upward reinforcing cycle anytime we want. It takes awareness, intention and commitment.
- Start with awareness. What is a state you want to experience? Joy, hope, inspiration, delight, etc.. Or what do you want more of in your life? Compassion, possibility, opportunity, etc.
- Create an intentional practice around noticing that particular thing in your life. Use the ‘notes’ on your phone, send yourself a text message, send a friend a text message, do something tangible to make a note of each time you notice even the smallest speck of what you seek.
- Commit to yourself for at least 1-3 months. You’ll notice changes within the first month, and the real magic happens around the 3 month mark.
“Ask questions. Stay curious. It’s much more important to stay interested than to be interesting.”
~ Jane Fonda
As a note – to create something new, or change something you have to start small. You have to acknowledge the tiny things. This is a practice, not a magic show.
A friend wanted more kindness in her life. She was tired of feeling defensive and beat up all the time. I had her do this practice. The first week she said she didn’t notice anything. I asked her if the person at the coffee shop smiled at her, or if the grocery checkout person said good morning.
She said, “of course, but those don’t count”.
I laughed because this is what we do to ourselves. We discount the very thing we seek. I told her to start counting those things. All of them. The next time we talked she was bubbling over with excitement and couldn’t wait to tell me about her list of kindnesses.
Almost immediately, she started becoming the person who experienced life as a place filled with kindness. Her husband noticed that the stress dropped out of her shoulders and within six months she was getting more than 4 hours of sleep per night, her insomnia was going away.
Finally, keep paying attention because at some point, the relationship you’ve created will open the door to a whole ‘nother level – like mine did. Stephanie and I have been focused on Soulful Leadership, talking about it, noticing it and noting it every week for over 3 years – and this week’s insights have me more excited than ever.