I wasn’t even a teenager when I found myself in a weekend self-development workshop with my mom and my older brother.
Two things stood out from that first encounter. The first was that my brother was a fish out of water and wanted nothing to do with it. The second was that this room of adults was exactly where I needed to be.
Mom and I continued with that particular group for many years and quite a few of the things I learned there still serve me today.
One of those is what I now call “the circle”. It made the concept of change simple, attainable and actionable. I not only implemented it right away, it’s still impacting me 40 years later.
Let’s use it to make some shift happen.
“A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”
~ John A. Shedd
Avoid the “Stuck”
Last week I was in a Masterclass that was talking about comfort zones. The man teaching it said that making changes in 5% increments fools the comfort zone, more precisely, it fools the backlash mechanism that kicks in when we reach too far outside our comfort zone.
Have you ever felt that? You have the big dream, you go all in and ‘wham’ – your car breaks down, you get the flu, your best friend needs you desperately, your house floods, etc. Something stops you in your tracks and all your new plans get put on the back burner for a ‘better time’.
That’s your comfort zone kicking in. Too much change, too fast.
Expand – Don’t “Break Out”
Dale Carnegie tells us to expand our comfort zones, instead of breaking out of them. That’s what we are going to do – in 5% increments. As the old adage says, slow and steady (read ‘expanding’) wins the race. Our systems are designed to take in, digest, incorporate and use to build and expand.
We think that we’re supposed to have it all and do it all right now.
The thing is, when we take on too much, too quickly, our systems still need to go through the process of ‘take in and digest’ in order to actually progress. When it can’t, most often, we shut down, go into overwhelm, stagger under the weight of it, or exit completely.
The good news is that not only do those 5% increments fly under the radar of our comfort zone, they compound over time.
Compounding is the Secret Sauce
Imagine yourself as a pie. When you stretch yourself 5% this week, your pie gets 5% bigger, next week, you stretch again, you increase 5% more. Not from your original self, from the stretched you. Without going into a lot of math, the bottom line, it adds up. FAST.
Each stretch you make is 5% of a larger pie, so you’re embracing Mr. Carnegie’s ‘expanding’ concept.
Which takes me back to “the circle” and the practice I learned as a teenager (and still use today).
Let’s play with it.
The Circle
Step 1
Draw a circle on a piece of paper. This is your comfort zone.
Draw a bunch of X’s inside the circle. These represent things that are easy for you, comfortable. If someone asked you for something and you’d say, “Sure, no problem” – that would be an X inside the circle. (Fg 1)
Write a few inside the circle next to your X’s. Remember, none of those things actually challenge you, mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.
Step 2
Now draw several X’s outside the circle. Things you feel are beyond your current reach. These represent things you want (skills, attributes, abilities, etc.) Pay attention to where you put them.
Place a few of them close to the circle, and a few further away. The ones that are doable with some effort. The ones that are further away, those are scarier or will tike more time and effort. (Fig 2)
Step 3
Next put actual desires next to those marks. Things you want to learn, achieve, have or become. Don’t leave it as a cerebral, “oh, I get the concept” exercise, put pen to paper.
Own the power of this in your life right now. (Fig 3)
Step 4
Finally, pick ONE of those X’s to pursue.
All the images in this post are my own circles. The X with which I’m working is at the top of the circle and it’s label is “Creating consistent, engaging blog posts”
There are multiple layers to it (writing as a skill, being consistent, procrastination, motivation, doing it enough to become engaging, etc) the dissecting of which would be an entire blog post of its own, so let’s experience the magic of how the circle works, instead.
“The larger it is, the more masterful we feel in more areas of our life. With a large comfort zone, you can take risks that really shift you“
~ Rhonda Britten
Your Whole Existence Expands
Stretching your comfort zone doesn’t happen as an isolated event (Fg 4).
Working on all the aspects of myself that challenge me, and make writing consistently feel out of my reach, those are the same aspects of myself that cause other things in my life feel out of my reach.
When I stretch for one of my X’s several others become more attainable because all of me grows, not just that one spot. I DO grow skills in that particular area of writing, I also grow as a person, internally and externally. I’m more confident and comfortable with myself. I experience myself differently. I have transferable skills and learnings.
I’m not the same person I was. I’ve expanded who I am.
We are whole beings… completely interconnected, whole beings.
When a comfort zone expands, all of it expands. When it shrinks, all of it shrinks.
So as you look at your Xs around the outside your circle, know that reaching out for one of them, a bit at a time, means you are making progress towards ALL of them.
That’s both exciting AND inspiring.
Like you, I am a work in progress and am still expanding to include my ‘consistent writing’ X. Please forgive the absence of the last scheduled blog post and the tardiness of this week’s.
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Did this resonate with you? Let us know in what way.
(Want to go further into one of my growth journeys? Listen to Ep 181 How Losing $250K Was a Gift)
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